Therefore, so that I would not become arrogant, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to trouble me - so that I would not become arrogant. I asked the Lord three times about this, that it would depart from me. But he said to me, “My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 (NETFull)
I have a monkey on my back. No, it’s much heavier than that, it must be a gorilla. I can never turn far enough to see it but I stagger under its weight and I hear primal grunts from behind. People give strange looks, they must be shocked at the size of my gorilla.
My ape is noisy and rude. He is all that is vile and ugly and hateful. Everywhere I go, he interrupts with inappropriate habits and offensive banter. He is the cause for the temptations raging in my life, for my ailing body, and for all my soured relationships.
The most frustrating tactic of my gorilla is that he mimics my voice. He whispers dark thoughts and fools me into thinking I came up with them. Depression, anger, apathy—he has a long repertoire of wicked ideas to plant. And when he runs out, he listens to demons who give him even more ways to trick me.
Try what I may, I can’t get free of this exhausting weight crushing my shoulders. I slap at my back and jab sticks but my gorilla only laughs and digs in for a tighter hold.
I asked Jesus to get rid of the beast, to lift it from my back and set me free. He said, no, because when there’s no gorilla I don’t hold his hand as tight. He would do anything to make sure I never let go of his hand, including allowing the unwelcome monkey to stay on my back.
If Jesus said this is the way it is, then that’s how it will stay. I have to keep the gorilla until I die. So I’ll cling to the hand of Jesus and ask him to counteract each whisper from my gorilla. There is going to be a lot of asking and much hand squeezing.
Prayer: Be close, Jesus, and help me with the weight of my sin nature.